Monday, August 30, 2004!
HandWritten on; 11:50 PM
i am really kinda pissed with my mom. why is she the only one who doesnt even care or give a heck abt wad her daughter is going to choose for sec3? i have tolerated her bias-ness towards my bro for a very long time. wad? jus cos he's a guy that means he is right? and i thot that was supposed to be the olden times. i mean. i understand if my grandma is rather biased towards the guy side. but my mom? everything he does is right. even if he scold U. and everyday HE'S the cause of how late we can step out of the house. but noooo, U always scold me. as if it's all my fault. and i dun even haf anything to do with it. when i protest, U scold me again. and say im jus finding excuses.
i thot she always cared. no matter how biased she is, i thot she had always cared abt me. jus that she haf no time or wadsoever. why cant she treat me like b4. jus becos im older now does it mean ppl dun nid care and concern? when i come home everyday, all they(mom, sis n bro) do is throw the keys at me b4 rolling their eyes. as if it's such a big deal walking up from the sofa. dun even say sth like," hello." or "oh u're back". read rebaca's blog. i rather my mom is like her mom. asking me" haf u got back ur test paper?" at least i still noe she still care sth, jus sth, abt me. but she jus cant give a heck. i mean. i noe life is tough for her and everything. but does she think it's very easy for me? i cant understand. i mean, it's not like i nv made the effort. i tried talking to her and stuff. but wad's the use? and i tried to lighten the atmosphere by saying hi! or wadsoever to my sis when i comes home. but no response or jus "bu4 yao4 lai2 chao2 wo3 LAH!" last time my mom used to say, " have u eaten?". now she doesnt say anything. i mean, i tolerated this for so long. and it's not like i nv
tried.
sec3 combis. hafta hand up the form tmr. i told my mom. she SAID she's going to check out for me by asking her frens or what. but she NV. i mean, im not saying i'll definitly go along with wad she wants. but cant she even try to make an effort to say something? jus something? like, "i think u can choose bio." or
something like that? am i asking for too much over here? and yesterday she jus signed the form without even noeing wad i'll be choosing.
i am pissed. and i think i haf finally discovered tt i dun nid to try and please her anymore. i dun even wan to protest anymore. cos even if i did, all i get is the rolling of the eyes. it's not mutual, get it? and i walked out of the car today w/o saying anything. i duno wad she'll think but i hope she'll get the message tt im feeling pissed cos of her. nowadays i think i nv even say alot at home. maybe i dun even talk much. i envy my frens' mom. like jessamin. at least ur mom cared, jess. and told u to choose carefully. dun take her for granted. and if im in skol at least my frens will ask after me. and if i fell dey'll care. and ask if im hurt. at home: no one cares. everyone minds their own business. once i fell and shrieked. no response. no one cared. even if i got seriously injured no one knows. so i really wan to move out. OUT. out to somewhere where i noe someone cares. i cried yesterday. duno why. i feel like shouting to vent my anger. but i cant. so perhaps tt's the reason why i cried? so am i jus supposed to make sure she gives me money to spend, gives me food, shelter, no love no care no concern? am i supposed to lead my life like dis? wad is the world coming to?
i think everyone's having a tough time over here. coping with studies and frens and families. everybody seems to be crying inside when they's putting on a brave front. everybody. jus like me.
